LOGIN
SEARCH
PROFILE
keys: ↑ ↓
LOGOUT
INDEX
MEMBERS
keys: ↑ ↓
HOME
PORTAL
PLAY ALONG
PLAY with WORDS
PLAY with GRAPHICS
PLAY with SOUNDS
PLAY with CODES
PLAY with PROJECTS
keys: ← →
Guest Access
Register:
Members:



View previous topic View next topic Go down Message [Page 1 of 1]

Active Member
Active Member
#1 Lost in the Dark
Loading

SanTheMapper

Active Member
Active Member
Active Member
profile
This is going to be my first story. I've decided to post to the beginning.
I want it to be a horror story and since I haven't written one before, I must ask. Is it a good beginning for a story of such sort or should I rethink the whole thing?


---

"Where am I?" You ask as you slowly open your eyes. You first see a ceiling, then you look around. You are on an old table. What are you doing there, you ask? No one knows.
As you sit up, you begin to notice, you are in a tool shed. Rusty, worn out hammers, saws and other kinds of handy tools are hanging on the wall. They are in such a bad shape, you can't seem to find any of them to be of use for you.
Now you look down to the floor. It is a wooden floor with a dusty old carpet on it. Nothing peculiar.
In the distance, you see a table with a lit candle on it, you decide to examine it. When you reach it, you see a piece of paper, a note laying on top of it. There's writing on the paper. You wonder, is it for you maybe?
You begin to read it.
-----
Welcome.
You wonder where you are or why you are here? Hehe. Soon you will learn everything.
At the moment, all you need to do is follow the path I've marked for you. But be aware of one small, but very important thing, it never as easy as it sounds...
Enigma
-----
Enigma... What does this name represent? Who is he/she? What's his/her real intention? Does he/she really offer you his/her help in getting out of this place? Do you even need to get out of here? So many questions unanswered... Suddenly, you feal, you need to exit this tool shed. Since there are no windows, you try to listen if there are any indicating signs of what lies beneath that door in front of you. You hear the sound of a furious wind and thunder and rain falling heavily.
You hesitate. Till the light in the shed abruptly starts fading away. It startles you, therefore you make up your mind and grabbing the note left for you, you exit in an instant.
Active Member
Show Signature


This is the world we live in
and these are the names we're given,
stand up and let's start showing
just where our lives are going to.

(Disturbed - Land of confusion)
Active Member
C.O.R.N.
C.O.R.N.
#2 Re: Lost in the Dark
Loading

BluE

C.O.R.N.
C.O.R.N.
C.O.R.N.
profile
Interesting. Your story has me wondering what's going to happen next. Though it does sound a bit like Saw.
C.O.R.N.
Show Signature


Want a real challenge? Try [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

If you read this message, please PM me. this is a test. And I'm serious, this isnt just some lousy time wasting paragraph that I wrote just to fill in my signature. It's here for a reason. PM ME.
C.O.R.N.
http://51s-seedy-masteroogway.blogspot.com
EVENTALIST
EVENTALIST
#3 Re: Lost in the Dark
Loading

mr_wiggles

EVENTALIST
 EVENTALIST
EVENTALIST
profile
This sounds like one of those goosebumps book's where you read and then make choices on whats going to happen next and then you turn the page to your choice, i liked those books because i my self was never able to follow story. I like the ability to make my own up as i go.

Which is sorta what i thought when i read this, it was sorta setting up questions that one would ask but answering them soon after. Sorta gives you the perspective of being there yourself.

Im hoping that you stick with this project and further develop the story and post more.
EVENTALIST
Show Signature
EVENTALIST
Active Member
Active Member
#4 Re: Lost in the Dark
Loading

SanTheMapper

Active Member
Active Member
Active Member
profile
Well thanks.
Somewhere else it was suggested to me that I shouldn't write in second person. What do you say? Should I rewrite this small part or ignore that suggestion?
Active Member
Show Signature


This is the world we live in
and these are the names we're given,
stand up and let's start showing
just where our lives are going to.

(Disturbed - Land of confusion)
Active Member
EVENTALIST
EVENTALIST
#5 Re: Lost in the Dark
Loading

mr_wiggles

EVENTALIST
 EVENTALIST
EVENTALIST
profile
What other suggestions have you received? And to be honest its what ever you want to do, your not writing it for them your writing it for you.
EVENTALIST
Show Signature
EVENTALIST
Active Member
Active Member
#6 Re: Lost in the Dark
Loading

SanTheMapper

Active Member
Active Member
Active Member
profile
Yeah That's a way to look at it.
Active Member
Show Signature


This is the world we live in
and these are the names we're given,
stand up and let's start showing
just where our lives are going to.

(Disturbed - Land of confusion)
Active Member
Global Moderator
Global Moderator
#7 Re: Lost in the Dark
Loading

swoop

Global Moderator
Global Moderator
Global Moderator
profile
the concept it cool, but all the "You's" are a tad much.. and its hard as a writer, to assume what the reader is thinking. you could suggest that fear is setting in. but you can never say youre scared.. unless this is a horror setting for a game or something, where the reader is put in the persons body.. that could happen.. i like the approach and the idea is there.

i would like to see more
Global Moderator
Show Signature


"be the change you wish to see in the world~ ghandi"


[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Global Moderator
http://creatureofopinions.blogspot.com/
#8 Re: Lost in the Dark
Loading

Sponsored content

profile

View previous topic View next topic Back to top Message [Page 1 of 1]

 

Chatbox system disabled
Personal messaging disabled