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#1 Survival Guide to the Penguin Apocalypse


This was written by a friend of mine and i asked if he would like to share online for all to see.

Survival Guide to the
Penguin Apocalypse

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~Written by Mark Szymanski~

As the year entered Summer, those creatures started acting more and more suspicious. The day is June 29 and if I've done my research correctly then I'm not going crazy. Those things have been planning to kill us for a long time and there going to strike us on independence day. This journal is the only way I, David Wilston, can think to record my survival against them and if I'm right then I've only got 5 days to prepare. they will become unbelievably strong with adaption that no human could comprehend. The year is 2025 on June 29, that is the year that they hope to attack, but not the day, so lets just see if I cant find a group to help me against them on independence day because we Americans have the right to bear arms and by damn we will if we must in order to prepare for the Penguin Apocalypse!

JUNE 30, 2025

I have began my travels to the Northern Hemisphere in order to survive because if I am correct then they will congregate in order to attack from the Southern Hemisphere because of Antarctica. On July 4, 2025 they will strike the country in order to demonstrate a part of their intelligence. I don't know how they plan to attack but they've got something up their sleeve because they know where our capitol is and they've gathered many resources over the years. I'm glad to admit that I've out smarted them through this game of chess, as they will fall to me on the contrary of their plan. I feel as if I'm repeating myself so I will stop here so I may look for more resources myself.

JULY 1, 2025

The day comes closer as there is only 3 to 4 days left to prepare. I wont write much here because of how busy I am, but I will begin to note the fact that most of them have been gathering steel or metal resources altogether and that only makes my suspicion rise more. I know they've began to gather weapons and they're building something, I just know it but I can find out unless I get close enough and that's not something I plan on doing anytime soon.

July 3, 2025

I've made it quite a way now from New York city, but that wont be enough. I need to keep heading north in order to escape them . My current location is what seems to be Ottawa,the capitol of Canada. I haven't been able to write much lately because of my travels, as it was I had been traveling all day yesterday and thought I would at least include something for today. Tomorrow is the day, the day they will strike! I don't know how prepared I am for this but I am now sure of the fact that I will need a group or at least another person to help me on my survival but no one will believe me until they strike. I feel tired so I will get some rest, for tomorrow is the day in which everything will happen. Now as I started to put down my pencil I saw something, it was a quick flash of light down south then everything went bright.

JULY 4, 2025

This was it, the survival had begun now but what were they planning? Wait! This was a missile...no, several missiles. from the very location itself, Antarctica! Now where was it headed? At that moment they went up high unseen by normal eyes until they came down upon Kansas City! Everything seemed to stop with a loud explosion and the air grew thick and heavy. The impact created a crater which had to have at least extended around Colorado, Minnesota, Indiana and to the edge of Texas, all around the four like the border of a circle and that was only a sample of their strength? Holy s**t! What were we up against? I quickly got up and started moving north yet again as I was now around Moosonee, Ontario. I needed to find a ship and fast before they traveled up here. The day grew darker as they began their reign of control. Then it happened, they launched another nuke and this time more devastating than the last but it had hit Russia somewhere. I had also heard of more outbreaks of the penguins in zoos all across the nation. As I was getting on a ship titled the “Sumariu” I ran up to take out any people there, in order to hijack it but it was already to late, they were here. As I ran in the control room it stared me right in the face, a penguin! Immediately I thought of something, anything just to get rid of it. I ran up and slid around to its back side as it lunged at me. I could only think of one thing to do and that was to use the shotgun on the wall. I grabbed it and as quickly as I could, fired it and blew its head off. This seemed to work quite well as a tactic so I decided to keep the gun but This now meant that I was wrong! The penguins had outsmarted me. They weren't down south! They were everywhere and there was to be no escape and so the battle was on! I now end this day with survival tactic number 1, shotgun to the face!

JULY 5, 2025

I set the ship to a straight course from Ontario through the Hudson Bay. It had been about 4 hours from this morning, and I hadn't gotten very far. I don't know what to because of the fact that they outsmarted me. There was nowhere to escape to. I figured that I would head out to Nunavut and see if I couldn't find shelter there. It was noon or past and there had already been at least 4 or 5 nukes now when I realized that they went showing us their power but more or less going after complete world control! As I reached an hour before Rankin Inlet, I saw another ship coming to the side. It was already too late, they rammed me in the side creating an inescapable situation for the both of us! But I started to realize now that they were back. Penguins started climbing onto the ship and charging for the command room I quickly loaded the shotgun and held it up at the ready. They burst in and started attacking I shot 1, 2 and began to reload. A third came in and lunged at me now biting my arm. I knew that they weren't smart enough yet to act any more viscous than this so I grabbed its head an broke the neck. It fell with a thud and a forth came in but it fell before it charged at all. A man with a pistol came in the room now. I yelled at him asking if he was crazy. Why hadn't he looked for better cover but then I realized once again that this could be the start of my group. I replied thank you! And started talking with him. It appears that he know about this penguin apocalypse and of how their intelligence has grown, so we decided to travel together from now on. I asked him who he was and he replied, Lt. Churchill or Jon Churchill. As we deployed the lifeboats we then started for Rankin Inlet to rethink our plan. As we reached land and got off the boat it was already nightfall as I ended the with survival tactic number 2, the snap of a neck,which was the best skill of close quarters combat.

JULY 6, 2025

We awoke with another loud boom as the 6 or 7th nuke hit. It was already day 3 and they had begun to run out of missiles, I could tell because they were separating the time frames by so much after each launch. Me and Jon reached Baker Lake by noon and started to form a plan. But before that I decided to start a progress log.

Gun wounds to the back would only be affective for so long but a head shot seemed to work the best, also, snapping their neck was most affective when in close quarter combat.

I let him read the Progress log so far as We began to plan. If the penguins were everywhere then we didn't have much time. Well I think we should travel to Russia but Jon thought otherwise. He said that it was a nuclear wasteland now but on the contrary that was happening everywhere. The U.S. was beginning to become one all the same. He accepted my plan and we began moving to Greenland through the Baffin Bay in order to find an airplane. We were on another ship but this time there was two of us. Then out of nowhere there was a finishing boom, a yet again loud explosion happened at Canada. The blast hit and threw us a little as the water rose and fell. This was at least the 7th or 8th nuke and there was grand devastation. It was already evening and I began to get cold as this was NOT a good sign! We were almost about Godthab, Greenland when a swarm of them came about us. They climbed and began their attack. From the coast I could see a man being attacked as the penguin stabbed him with its beak, he fell down weakened and the penguin picked up a nearby gun, and began to charge us. This was bad! By what I could see, the ba***rds had already begun to grow in intelligence. They could now receive intellect just by stabbing a human in easier terms they can copy experience from the human mind and use it against us. Now they can use guns! This was out of hand! But when I came to from daydreaming we were swarmed by penguins. I began snapping necks and shooting heads but that wasn't enough. One after one they kept coming! Jon screamed to come over by him so I went and he jumped out of the window onto land. I followed and he started running. At this point in time I had no idea what he was doing. Then a loud explosion erupted behind us as he said aloud, survival tactic number 3, explosives! The ship fell to the Bay as all the penguins began to yell and a bullet whipped past my head, missing me by inches. It was the gunned penguin! Jon quickly pulled out his pistol and shot it, but it did not fall. I knew this would happen! They were getting stronger I ran up close enough just to whip out my shotgun and hit the head. We traveled a little more into nightfall again and found an airplane. As we got on it I decided it would be best to get some sleep.

JULY 7, 2025

I woke at noon and we started the aircraft's engines. We began take-off and started off towards Russia past Iceland. I stopped writing for about 4 and a half hours as we appeared to be around France. Then it happened! A black and white object fired at us out of no where. It appeared to be no larger than a.... PENGUIN!!! they made bombs now!? It smashed into us and we started barreling off towards the ground! What were we going to do? I called out to Jon but it appears the shock made him unconscious. I ran to the front of the plane and took control of it but it was already to late we were on a path of crash landing! It was towards France, no into France by the looks of it.

JULY 12, 2025

The last thing I remember was crashing but what day was it. As I heard a nearby radio it appeared to be airing July 12. I found Jon and woke him. As I started telling him, we needed to find the area that they weren't going to be in and we could survive from there but the only thing was could we make it there first? I pulled out my map that I had been marking and looked on it. We were in none other than Paris. I quickly though of a plan I decided that the best place to head to would be Russia as we could build a small colony there because of all the open areas. We started off towards Germany when Jon spotted a train as I thought it would be a bad idea to take any more transportation there I agreed. We got on and before we knew it a penguin started shooting at us. I ducked for cover and whipped out the shotgun but I was out of ammo. Jon got up and shot him with his pistol through the chest. I ran up and snapped his neck then disarmed him. As I grabbed his gun I took his shotgun ammo and loaded my gun. The penguin wasn't finished.... he got back up and took his wrath upon Jon. With two shots, one in the leg and another through his stomach he fell and begged me to leave him behind. I blew its head off and ran further ahead. As I turned the corner another shot went passed my head. I looked and it was a civilian. I called out to him and he stopped. He came up to me with a grin and an open hand. He stated his name, it was Alex Kiel and we decided to join forces from here on in. as I just remembered Jon, we raced back a few train cars and looked but he was gone. As that said a penguin came around the corner and lunged at me, Alex pulled out his Red 9 and shot its legs as it went down I ran up to it and smash it with my foot. We decided to get some sleep as I end this day with survival tactic number 4, curb stomping, which seems to be a more effective close quarters combat tactic than before!

JULY 13, 2025

DAY 10
I have decided not to write much today as we began our major traveling. I think I will include a Progress Log at the least though.

As I stated in the last log, a shotgun to to face still stand most effective and regular pistol shots seem to be less and less useful now. Snapping their necks is also one of the best close quarters combat tactics but I will include a better one towards the end of this log. Using explosives works altogether without question and as I just stated before a new more effective close quarters combat tactic seems to be shooting them down to the ground and curb stomping them or in other terms smashing them. The best place to travel at this point is Russia. I haven't decided where yet but I plan to build a small colony there with my comrades in order to rebuild what has been lost.

JULY 19, 2025

DAY 16
its been about 6 days since I last wrote, not to much has changed as we have been riding on this train towards Moscow but it appears to be very destroyed and broken down which is slowing us down but still is faster than walking. Alex an I haven't talked to much so we decided to take this opportunity to exchange ideas a little as we reached Moscow in the next hour. We went to get off the train to stretch our legs as it was not a good decision at all. We had 4 different penguins approach us as I ran up to one a snapped its neck yet again but a then tripped and one came up to me and lunged. I looked at Alex but he was dealing with the other two and as I quickly acted without thinking I grabbed the nearest object which was a slab of concrete and put in front of me as the penguin bit into it. At that moment he fell and started reacting with a seizure then died. I now realized that when they try to get intellect that they become vulnerable as they specifically are trying to receive certain human experience when you replace that they get the wrong thing and don't know what to do so in easier terms, they freak out and die. I went to Alex and helped him out and we began to get back on the train. I decided to get some sleep and end the day with survival tactic number 5, intellect replacement, which was yet again another close quarters combat tactic.

JULY 21,2025

DAY 18
We traveled another day and ended up in Arkhangelsk, Russia. I started noticing that any water or air that WAS clean in now becoming completely polluted but any sea water or salt water was still good or as good as it gets and I found this strange. Then our troubles became worse as the train tipped over from the force of what you guessed.....penguins! We ran out but we were surrounded by over 20 penguins with machine guns. All seemed lost when instead of killing us they hit us and tied us up hostage and started carrying us off towards the south. This was away from our target colony but there was nothing we could do about it and another thing was that they began carrying Alex north past the Arctic Circle. As I began to black out from the hit they blew to me earlier I noticed someone sneaking behind and fallowing me along with them, it was Jon!


I woke up having no idea what was happening but I was barrels and lines of assembly penguins taking in water and after a minuet spiting it out looking cleaner. I was hanging upside down as I started to realize that I was smelling salt water from the barrels that they had not drank from. As I figured out they were using their bodies to change the salt water or partial polluted water into clean water I found this as bad and good because they can produce clean water for themselves but on the same note they NEED water to survive which is an advantage note for me. As I started to think of a way out of my situation I heard a radio of in the corner a few of the penguins had been listening to, it was speaking of recent news when I heard the date September 3, 2025! I now realized they had been feeding me sleep medicine but happened to forget today as it now appeared to be my lucky day!


DAY 61
I quickly thought of a plan. I grabbed a knife out of my top left pocket and cut the rope. As I did so I fell upon the ground with a loud thud but they didn't seem to notice. How was I going to get out of here? As I turned around I saw a figure hanging and waving me over to him. I ran over as to notice it was another survivor so I got him down and asked him his name as he told me it was Matt Mumbai. I don't know if ill see Jon or Alex anytime soon but I've got to get out of here so I decided to let him join our survival colony. We looked around the room for the nearest possible exit and spotted a small hall down to the left of the room as we ran for it they started attacking....the penguins of the facility. We were weaponless and without ideas so I decided to run ahead to find something to defend when I though of an idea. I ran down the hall to the left the further, hooked a right then another left and up some stairs as I turned around I picked up the nearest thing I could find which was a grenade. I threw it but missed, it fell off in the distance an exploded. At that moment they all seemed to look towards it when I thought of something, we ran all the way up and out the door to close it behind us. Matt! That's it! They get distracted by large obstructions like maybe say an explosion or an object falling, which means at that moment we have a chance to strike! At that note over 100's of penguins came rushing out and around us with more. When I thought we were done for, a large reenforced battle ship rammed the side of the ice we were on and opened a hatch door. We decided to run for the ship and jump on. The door closed as we then went to head up towards the main control deck. When we reached the room I found a long lost friend, it was Jon. He reached for a red button and pressed it as it fired a missile at the land killing all of the penguins. He stated how I had been out for a long time but now we could finish out survival colony in the north. It was to much exhaustion for this days as I decided to rest and end the day with survival tactic number 6, distractions!


DAY 62
We started to sail of towards the north when we were greeted by another ship. We restocked up on weapons, shotguns and all, when the other ship led out a white flag and slowed down we stopped along with caution as a man ran out onto the deck and onto ours. He ran into our ship and a second later the door to the control room opened....it was Alex! I cant believe he survived but now we were all together and we would head back to Russia to finish the colony! We started off yet again towards India as it would take at least a day or two.


DAY 64
We reached Tamil, India as we started traveling north again. As we were going north towards Turkey. We found a military truck and loaded in it as Matt had the most experience driving those, he took the wheel. We were driving off and would soon be to Russia finally as the nightmare would end!

SEPTEMBER 14, 2025

DAY 72
We reached Turkey as a man stepped out of a military base and stated his name along with a request to join our group. “You can call me General Mikos!” we explained the whole ordeal to him as we were on our way to Russia so we piled up in an armored military plane and started off towards Russia around Lake Baikal. We reached the lake and landed to start our colony. As we set up camp and a radio signal we had people coming over to the area by the bunches and started building our new colony immediately. We had walls, buildings and much more as to our military house of weapons. We were ready to fight the final battle as I had gotten the 6 most useful survival tactics and possibly would be more during the final fight. All the building and construction of the colony has been over the course of a week.

SEPTEMBER 21, 2025

DAY 79
Today is the day before the final battle. As we prepare from tactics through construction I feel that it will go well. We have built over 11 good housing units for now, just to hold our civilians. We have designed 2 major military facilities along with training and gunning programs. We have put together food storage and units available to support all of our civilians and more to come. There is a good chance we may begin to design transportation roads or paths along with importing transportation itself as we have SOME air travel but not a lot. As I update and tell of our progress in building we are satisfied and decide to all get sleep before the final battle tomorrow!

SEPTEMBER 22, 2025

DAY 80
We awoke at noon on military time as this was it, the final battle!


they were already here without warning! I quickly gathered the people as this was it! There is no turning back now and everyone is on there own! I told them all, they need to fend off and fight for themselves as we will win this battle! I ran up and swiftly unlocked the smaller door below the main gate and as I opened it penguins came rushing. It wasn't over yet though, we rushed out as to begin battle. I shot 3 in the head with our primary weapon, the Shotgun! More and more came around the perimeter and as I was running I was tackled by one but before I knew it he bit me and I pulled him off as to shoot him. I fell as I started to feel weakened from the penguins attack! Then I realized it, they could now weaken you by a poison or some type of medicine!


I got back up and started running as three of them were chasing me. I picked up a grenade to throw but They were in a split so I couldn't hit them all. I threw it above me creating a distraction as they looked up at it and I shot each one in the leg making them fall as I yelled “CURB STOMP!” any fighters nearby ran up and delivered the final blow to each one to finish them off. I ran around the colony walls as to get a good look on what was coming when I saw a horrible image! It was penguin after penguins in a military type order as they were all carrying guns.


they immediately started shooting as more came up to me. Yet again another jumped on me but before it could bit me to get me weakened any more I grabbed another penguin nearby and it bit him. From this I realized survival tactic number 7, penguin shield! Now they started firing penguin bombs up towards the colony. I ran back to HQ and had them intercept the penguins bombs with explosives of our own. Th decided that shotguns were to be put aside for now and to bring out the machine guns. The next thing I knew, I fell to the ground as I was bloodied up and hurt but this was not the reason for my faint, it was the penguin from earlier, the bite!


I awoke four hours later as I was still in pain but was recovered from the bite. I looked out the window as the battle was coming to an end. Then it happened, they came in with tanks but they were still over a ¼ mile away in distance so I decided to conduct the secret plan, the final plan, the last resort! I pressed the activation button and red lights blinking could be seen from over the ¼ mile distance. At that time they went over them but nothing happened! I ran down to the signal fuse box and tapped into it. Looking through it I could not find the issue so I called Alex over. As he was going to fix I told him to do so, then recharge the signal by using the lever on the right as to the fact that this would end the battle. I ran out of the room while meeting up with Jon. His injuries were severe as to the fact that he was shot....again. He would be fine though so I asked him where Matt was? He responded with a statement of satisfaction as Matt was apparently taking care of all situations with the penguin bombs and more. I ran out of HQ and thought of something...where was Mikos?!


As I looked outside I saw all the tanks explode, my plan worked. I had Mikos set up remote control, heavy duty land mines there earlier so we were saved as the penguins retreated! We awarded ourselves with victory as I found Mikos. I asked were he had been as he responded, “where do you think? I fought me some penguins! And you can bet damn straight that those penguins ain't ever coming back on my watch!” well over all of my survival days, I have to thank my comrades, Jon Churchill, Alex Kiel, Matt Mumbai, General Mikos and myself, David Wilston. I will now end this guide with my final progress log of all my tactics and plans!

the final log is everything I have found useful as to survive. A shotgun to to face stands most effective and regular pistol shots is less and less useful than ever but still works for chaining tactics together. Snapping their necks is one of the best close quarters combat tactics but there are more indeed. Using explosives works altogether without question. An affective close quarters combat tactic is to shoot them down to the ground and curb stomp them or in other terms smash them. The best place to travel at this point is in Russia at a survival colony by Lake Baikal at which I have set up myself with the help of my comrades. Replace an item when they lunge at you for if they either try to take intellect or poison you because they will then hit the item instead. Finally, distractions will easily take their eyes off you as long as its a big enough one.

Over all my travels so far with surviving, I have put down seven total tactics and set up a colony. I will continue to write in more tactics against the penguins so the world can know how to survive, we can still kill off those ba***rds.

#1 Shotgun to the face!
#2 The snap of a neck!
#3 Explosives!
#4 Curb stomping!
#5 Intellect replacement!
#6 Distractions!
#7 Penguin shield!


* Note I'm editing out the swears as i my self read this, if i miss any inform me so i can remove them*

Also he is in the middle of writing a second book...

Penguin Apocalypse - After Affect
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#2 Re: Survival Guide to the Penguin Apocalypse


ha! this is great! I'm moving this to Play with Words.

thanks for making those edits...
soon there will be a word filter for that sh*t
so we don't have to worry about it. ^,^
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#3 Re: Survival Guide to the Penguin Apocalypse


sweet, that would be great. i hope every one likes it

[edit] had to add the pic! Very Happy
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#4 Re: Survival Guide to the Penguin Apocalypse


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Awsome story, dude. Hope to see the second one soon. Very Happy
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#5 Re: Survival Guide to the Penguin Apocalypse


yea I'll ask my friend hows it coming along, and if he is ready to post it.
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